WELCOME BACK TO GOTHS AND WEEABOOS THEATRE!
We left off with the most awkward wedding rehearsal and the most awkward sex scene ever.
Things will get more awkward and uncomfortable, fair warning.
Remy is now sitting on the bath mat, having her hair brushed by Silk because why the fuck not at this point? He wanders off to obtain hot cocoa and Remy sits there, brooding broodily about how she can’t just have a friend with benefits, she always has to vomit feels into things immediately. Valid brooding subject, I say. And then thinks about her mangas and I’m like OH MY GOD. OH MY GOD NO PLEASE JUST STOP AND BE A GROWN UP AND STOP COMPARING YOUR LIFE TO COMIC BOOKS FOR JUST FIVE SECONDS FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS HOLY. PLEASE STOP. I WANT TO LIKE YOU GUYS AND YOU ABUSE ME FOR THAT AT EVERY TURN. I AM TRYING TO REDEEM THE PURILE TEXT YOU EMERGED FROM.
*vomits*
I feel better now.
Silk returns with stuff and we have this absolutely mental exchange:
‘Dark thoughts?’ he asked, when he returned a few minutes later carrying two mugs of frothy chocolate topped with marshmallows, and a plate full of biscuits.
WHY DOESN’T HE JUST BRING YOU AN ENTIRE DINNER FOR FUCK’S ABSOLUTE SAKE. HAVE A BATHROOM PICNIC, YOU WEIRDOS.
Remy looked up at him from under her fringe SPARE ME but didn’t move her head from her knees. ‘Pitch black.’
ABSOLUTELY FUCK YOU, YOU FKN SOUND LIKE AZRAEL ABYSS FROM “GOTH TALK”.
‘The best kind.’
FUCKING SHUT UP SILK, YOU ARE INSUFFERABLE, YOU BOTH ARE OVER THE TOP GOTH STEREOTYPES I AM DYING INTERNALLY
They talk about the whole Dolores being a rampaging asshole (hurr hurr) for a minute and Remy, without missing a beat, makes it all about her and starts complaining about… IDK? That Silk wants her, that Takeshi is basically her boyfriend, but also that she wants Silk and Takeshi to have gay sex in front of her so badly it literally makes her orgasm on a bar of watermelon-scented soap. Silk gets… irrationally jealous of him (or possibly evoking his Rampaging Gayfeels again) and has a snit. Hooray.
We switch to Silk’s PoV and YES IT IS IN FACT THE RAMPAGING GAYFEELS. He lustfully admires Remy leaving to go put clothing on that isn’t covered in All the Mud in England, but immediately thinks about Takeshi again. Aww, it’s almost cute how conflicted the poor boy is. He thinks that Takeshi either gives him acid indigestion or butterflies of lust. The fact that he apparently cannot tell the difference between heartburn and horny makes me question whether or not he’s actually been horny this whole time, or whether the rich provincial English diet has been getting to his delicate anime stomach.
Remy’s vagina magnetically attracts itself to his dick once more but they dramatically part ways, Silk saying he needs to see if there is still a wedding that will occur.
Silk leaves, and finds Shaun, drunk, who is fixing his problems by being drunk. Silk advises against having a hangover at the wedding, and Shaun just… drinks more. Hooray.
Remy, meanwhile, makes it back to her room in just a towel with nobody seeing her, finding Takeshi bitchily sitting on her bed with a stank face. He grumps at her about where she’s been this whole time, and Remy is like I THOUGHT THAT WAS OBVIOUS all naked and shit.
Takeshi is all mad and she goes to get dressed indignantly while he’s complaining that I THOUGHT WE HAD SOMETHING, REMY. She realizes that he’s pretty fucking torn up about it, judging by the fact that he looks like he hasn’t slept in a week but also because of, and I quote, “the vengeful fire in his eyes.” SPARE ME.
They have an argument where she takes a bunch of low blows verbally, and his EYES SUDDENLY TURN INKY BLACK OH SHIT HE’S TURNING INTO A DEMON D: D: D:
He essentially calls her a bitch, she slaps him, he slaps her back, they start horny-wrestling, she tells him that even if she submits, she’ll never be his girl. Takeshi reels off the fucking bed, white as a ghost, starts shaking, hyperventilating, straight up panic attack mode.
Remy, reasonably, flips out and is like OMG ARE YOU OK, but he’s absolutely the fuck out of the door and down the hall out the front of the castle and on his motorcycle. Remy chases after him and finds Alix, who is like “Honey, what is wrong”. Remy begs her to get Takeshi because he’s like, dying or something, and Alix is like !!!!! and races out the door to jump on her motorcycle after him.
Takeshi, LITERALLY IN THE MIDST OF A PANIC ATTACK FROM A PTSD FLASHBACK, is racing off on his bike. The tension and pathos of the entire scene is fucking ruined by the description of his motorcycle… it apparently is a replica of Cloud Strife’s motorcycle from Final Fantasy 7. SPARREEE MEEEEE.
He tries to do a cool maneuver, not having raced on a country gravel road in England in the rain, and completely eats shit, rolling into a tree and luckily not dying somehow. Alix, knowing how to race in this kind of condition, rolls up to him, ready to rescue.
Instead of being THANKFUL that he doesn’t have to walk his bike all the way back to the castle, he starts shitting on Alix for not having gotten the point that Remy isn’t a lesbian, or bi, and will never love her. Alix tells him to fuck right off with that shit and stop trying to die like a fucking moron. He starts trying to ignore her and she starts… petting the back of his neck for some fucking reason, IDK why, it’s honestly pretty weird. He cusses a lot in Japanese, and is sad, has a flashback of how he tried to force himself on Megumi and she had told him that no matter what he did, he could never force her to love him.
AWW SHIT.
Alix starts weirdly giving him a neck rub and he doesn’t seem to mind and it’s just… really offputting. Alix tells him she’s rooting for him because Silk is an ass, and gives him a ride back.
Silk gets Shaun into bed and goes to bed himself, immediately fantasizing about Remy and getting pissed that after he fucked her, he was supposed to be over her. BIG MISTAKE, HOMIE. And then he thinks about how he caught her and Takeshi doin it, and starts imagining his wang and ass and balls and everything and DUDE HOW DO YOU NOT KNOW YOU LIKE MEN TOO FFS.
All pent up and bonery, Silk lays on the couch in the firelight and has a wank WHILE THINKING ABOUT TAKESHI BONING REMY. Congratulations, Silk, you’re learning your sexuality, buddy. Thumbs up!
NEXT TIME…
Remy and Takeshi make up, someone fucks up the wedding clothes, Alix examines Tifa, Marianne’s photo shoot is revealed, and Lulu does crazy Lulu shit.
Garbage Romance 